Humour Has It (Jokes)

[AwakeMySoul]

This is the only joke I know in english....

A family of three tomatoes were walking around the town one day when the little baby tomato started lagging behind.
The big father tomato walks back to the baby tomato, stomps on her, squashing her into a red paste, and says, "Ketchup!"

[LouieArmstrong]

Its green and it slides of a mountain?


A skiwi!

[tmaherster]

What was Tigger looking for down the toilet? Poo!

[Leon]

[RunrigCorvusCoraxFan]

Off by heart, although you can check online :p

[Leon]

And I keep telling Adele's joke all the time: what is a blond girl standing upside down?


.....a brunette with a bad breath.....[/color]

I don't get that joke, can someone explain please?
I have an idea, but I just want to be sure. ;)

[right_as_ellie]

This a Greek joke i like (it's a little shoking and i won't put ** in the bad words!), i really tried my best with the translation in order to make sense for you guys!!
I hope you like it!!! Here we go.....

In a school an education-inspector is coming today, and in a particular classroom there is a student named Totos, who swears all the time.The class teacher told all the girls in the classroom :"girls we have to make a good impression to the inspector so please don't leave Totos open his mouth and talk!!! If you see him talk and start swearing, you should start screaming in order to pull the attention off from Totos.Alright girls?"
Girls: "alright teacher"
So the inspector comes into the classroom everybody is so nice,serious and pays attention to the class teacher.The inspector was impressed by them untill he noticed a little boy who all the time was starring at the window...that boy was Totos.
The inspector asked Totos :"What are you starring at young kid?"
Totos replied: "There is a brothel building out there..."
The girls start screaming as the teacher told them ...
And then Totos said :"Why are you screaming bitchies??? It is not done yet!!!!"

[RunrigCorvusCoraxFan]

What did one wall, say to the other wall - Sorry you cut yourself, you want a plaster?

What did one violin say to the queen - Do you want me to 'bow' down to you me dear? - :D

How do you have a bath and charge a phone - You use the plug


How did the cassette solve a murder - It was on the case

[right_as_ellie]

Mickey mouse: Minnie i want to break up with you!
Minnie mouse: Are you f***ing crazy?
Mickey mouse: No, i'm f***ing Daisy!!!!!

[ImAlina]

Q. Why don't they have any toilet paper in KFC?
A. Because its finger licking good!

this is classic:
Two muffins are in the oven.
One says to the other "God it's hot in here"
The other one replies "Oh no... It's a talking muffin"

What do you call a fish with no eye (I) ?
FSH !

Two peanuts walk into a bar.
One was a salted.

Question: Which day of the week is most hated by fish?
Answer: Fry Day


Wife to her husband: Wake up. Some thieves have broken into our house. I think they are now eating the food I made last night.
Husband: Oh! Let's better call the ambulance then.